Naruto Role-Play
 
HomeCalendarGalleryFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in
Don't forget to read the rules, banned Jutsu list, and news guys. Stay up-to-date!
Mind the Moderators and Admins in the CB- we do enforce our rules everyone.
Okay everyone, Re-post your finished and graded characters in Graded Characters. Read the topic "Explanation" as well, please!
Have a comment or suggestion? PM one of the Moderators, who will show it to the Administrators. Remember, Moderators are your bridge to the Admins!
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Latest topics
» Tenshi Sneaking out to see Sumaru
Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:21 pm by Dann432432

» Indigo vs Sento vsTenzo
Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:03 pm by Dann432432

» I Declare (after 4 weeks so why not now)
Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:51 am by Corren

» Where to nest? (Poll)
Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:46 am by Corren

» Early declaration.
Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:18 am by Aegis

» Tenzo's Declaration :3
Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:17 pm by Corren

» Hokage Election (Story Line)
Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:00 pm by Dann432432

» Double-Edged Sword (Locked)
Wed Jan 15, 2014 3:48 am by Tenzo Uzumaki

» Meet The Father
Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:44 pm by Dann432432

Top posters
Dann432432
 
Aegis
 
Finvarre
 
CyberTurtle77
 
Corren
 
Naga
 
Wakitaro
 
Aionrap
 
Nikolai Forge
 
Aj16amc
 
Top posting users this week

Share | 
 

 Declaration

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Aegis

avatar

Posts : 244
Join date : 2013-11-20
Age : 24

PostSubject: Declaration   Fri Dec 27, 2013 10:47 pm

Takumi is ready to be tested for the rank of Jounin...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Finvarre
Admin
avatar

Posts : 187
Join date : 2013-11-19

PostSubject: Re: Declaration   Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:25 pm

.... Write about Takumi being lost in a mall, shopping for either Hospital scrubs, or something Lucine would like, add a problem and rsolution. 1.5k. Go.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://tnnarupg.createaforum.net
Aegis

avatar

Posts : 244
Join date : 2013-11-20
Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: Declaration   Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:25 pm

It was mid-morning when I decided to set out from the market center to get some supplies and food for dinner that night. The Sun was just peeking over the distant mountains and the rays hit my face, warming it slightly. It felt good to be out and about this morning, with only a few things to do and plenty of time to relax afterwards. I patted my pocket checking to make sure I had the list that me and Okami had come with. Satisfied it was their I began to whistle a little tune, humming in certain parts. The road was mostly deserted with the exception of one of the sand shinobi coming in on the road from the Land of Winds. I greeted him cordially, “Hello traveler, heading into the village?” His reply was curt yet polite, “Yes, i have am a representative of our Lord Kazekage. I am here to observe your election.” “Wonderful” I replied, “It’ll be nice to have the Lands working together again, participating in each other politics. Will the other lands be sending ambassadors as well?” I ask, curious. His reply was one of wonder himself, “I only know of myself, but surely one or two will arrive.”

Farther up the road we parted ways as I headed to the market center, hoping for more company as the man had been. His stories of the singing sands had intrigued me and made me wish to be there again amongst the rolling dunes. My nostalgia didn’t last long as i entered the complex. The first thing to hit me was the smells, roasting and frying and baking: every sort of smell imaginable. I had made the mistake of entering through the food court and left with a bowl of shrimp fried rice for an early lunch as a result. I decided that, on the heels of such food I should acquire Dinner for tonight first. I visited the food stalls gathering a filet of salmon, fresh parsley and sage, butter, lemons, potato and leeks. It would all make a very delightful dinner and as I packed them into the bag given to me, full of crushed ice to keep the ingredients cold, I decided to visit the crafters area, hoping to find a certain object for Okami.


I saw a silver worker first and looked over his wares. He told me that if I wanted he could use a silver blank to make any design I wanted. I asked him to sculpt me a necklace, with an amulet depicting a wolf howling at the moon. He laughed heartily and began to work, happy for such a task. He finished rather quickly, producing a very fine necklace that was cool to the touch. “How could you produce this so quickly and have it be cool already?” I ask him astonished. He laughs and smiles, “I’m sorry, tiss a trade secret. But perhaps a hint? I have an earth chakra nature.” Here it was my turn to smile, Of course, he shaped it with his chakra. I think to myself paying for the necklace and stowing it in my lab coat pocket. deciding it would be safe there. I then head to a table to eat my rice before heading back home.

As i sat eating I looked around at the people walking through the market, checking the vendor's wares and having a good time and I notice; there was a group of young shinobi all wandering around in a pattern. they seemed to be watching the people entering and leaving and were bumping into a few of them. That’s when it hit me, they were pickpockets. Little ninja theives stealing from people. Well I couldn’t let this stand, I finished my rice and walked up to one of them, looking down at him pointedly.

“What do you have to say for yourself, mister?” i ask, as he looks up at me. from behind comes a response, “nice necklace, thanks mister.” comes a small voice and as I turn i see a little girl running with the necklace I had gotten for Okami! I run after her, swearing to myself for being distracted. Unfortunately she could duck around people’s legs where as I had to push through them, however, I did not lose her as she ducked in between two stall to a little area in back of them. several were gathered there and were counting up their loot.

“Steal from me will you..” I whispered to myself performing a simple clone jutsu. I had the clones cover all the exits before walking right into the opening, and standing there, hand out. The girl jumped up and ran right into one of the clones, standing arms crossed in front of their bolt hole.
“Now i believe you have some things to return, don’t you?” I ask them, looking between the small, scarred faces. The little girl begins to cry and one of the older boy stands in front of her. “You can’t have this stuff we need to give it to Van” He said looking at me, fire in his eyes. I kneel down and meet them, asking” Who is Van?”

They take me underneath the city, deep in the sewers to a large underground lake which was separate from the sewer system. The water was pure and clear running down to the dark depths. In the middle of the lake was a large set of platforms with houses and such on them, a whole underground lake town. And under a little gazebo, surrounded by stolen objects and money, was Van the master of this lake town. I walked to him and was disgusted by him. He was fat and nasty looking as if someone had covered him in lard. “You are Van, master of this place?” I ask him, trying to hide the distaste in my voice.

“Yes I am.. and you are?” He said not hiding the displeasure in his voice. He turned before I answered to the boy. “How dare you bring someone here, do you want to be fed to the teeth?” He asked the boy who shivered in fear next to me. “The teeth?” I inquired to him, curious. “Oh, you’ll meet them right now!” He yelled touching his hand to the wall, a summoning seal forming. “Crap..” I said as the floor began to rumble and a giant sea serpent rose out of the lake. I looked at him, “Are you crazy, that thing will destroy this town.

“No, no.. just you..” He laughed, pulling a lever. I felt the water, icy cold, surround me as I turned and swam. The creature and I were face to eye, it staring right at me like a tasty morsel. don’t do it, i thought to the creature. I don’t want to hurt you. It opened it’s mouth the eat me and I acted. Reaching up I grabbed it’s upper lip and released my lightning nature chakra into the creature. Water boiled around us as electricity spread throughout the lake.It finally stopped thrashing and disappeared in a cloud of smoke as any other summon would. I swam up to the platform and climbed up.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!” He yelled at me, almost crying. “The teeth will not be so quick to answer your summon anymore.” I stated looking at the people of the lake, “He has no power anymore, no hold on you. Do with him as you please.” I say to them, walking trough the parting crowd to the little girl. “May I have that back please, it for a friend of mine.” I say, smiling at her. she gave it to me smiling.

We were near the entrance of the town when I heard the splash; they had pushed him into the lake and he was sinking like a rock. “As he did to people, so shall he receive” I murmured, remembering a adage my sensai had told me about the ninja who killed for fun. The man would never again hurt the people of this lake.

The young boy led me back up to the surface, through a section of the sewers on the west side of town, close to my home. “Will your people come up here to the surface?” I asked him, wondering on their future. “We’ll stay where we’ve always been.” he said resolutely, “now that we don’t have to worry about the teeth.” I began climbing the ladder and looked down before removing the lid, “good luck kid!” I yelled down and emerged into the sunlight. Walking back I reviewed the days events, and laughed at it all, such adventures. The sun was setting as I reached my door and grabbed my keys. It was then that I remembered I had left the food in lake town. I slumped against the door, laughing dejectedly because of the irony of it all. then standing back up I headed back towards town, wondering if I’d fight anymore monster while I was there.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Finvarre
Admin
avatar

Posts : 187
Join date : 2013-11-19

PostSubject: Re: Declaration   Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:51 pm

Nice, short story. A hand full of punctuation and capitalization errors, but not that bad. Clearly meets the amounts, has a legitimate storyline, anddd.... I say that you need to work on a bet of flow. It jumps a LITTLE too quickly, but it was a general story. I'm gonna go ahead and say... That you didn't pass. It was still too choppy, and the flow was too... nonflowy. I'm apologizing, but. You don't pass.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://tnnarupg.createaforum.net
Aegis

avatar

Posts : 244
Join date : 2013-11-20
Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: Declaration   Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:15 pm

It's fine... I'll just *turns and cries* work on my writing.... *goes and grabs a pen*
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Declaration   

Back to top Go down
 
Declaration
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» A Declaration of Need
» Declaration of the Zhent Tournament

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
NaruPG :: Forum :: Declarations-
Jump to: