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Nikolai Forge
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 I declare!

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Posts : 68
Join date : 2013-11-20
Age : 21
Location : Missoula, Montana...If only..

PostSubject: I declare!   Thu Jan 02, 2014 10:36 pm

I ask of you permission to give me a chance for a rank up!

Character: Zechs Hyodo

Date: 1/2/2014
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Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19
Age : 23
Location : Behind you.

PostSubject: Re: I declare!   Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:14 am

Mmkay, Zechs. I'll make this a decent test. Remember, you are here to offer and advertise to the Admins your general advancement from basic RP and literary efficiency to advanced and above-average proficiency.

We will be looking for:

- High Above average grammar

- High Above average sentence phrasing

-High Above average understanding of RP

- Advanced Intellectual literary prowess

- Obvious Unique writing style

- Obvious advancement from previous level of skill

Here is your test.

Zechs is traveling when he comes across a set of ancient ruins in beautiful condition! However, these ruins only seem to be a small fraction of what could be massive city! Oddly enough, the city cuts off in such a precise and perfect way, it's as if it was completely removed. As Zechs enters these ruins, he finds many incredible sights and artifacts, including multiple rooms filled with overflowing gold and a seemingly endless supply of gold-crafted weapons. However, like before, these rooms only seem to be a small fraction of the entirety. As he enters further, he meets a living man, dressed in royal armour. This man immediately berates Zechs with an arrogant manner, claiming to be a royal king of this land, as well as a current kingdom. This man, Kuro Volk, then attacks Zechs with shining portals that send weapons at incredible speeds! Explain your experience with this mysterious man you've never met before!
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Posts : 68
Join date : 2013-11-20
Age : 21
Location : Missoula, Montana...If only..

PostSubject: Re: I declare!   Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:14 am

Zechs stood at the edge of a cliff which branched out from a massive mountain; he was refreshed by the pure air that gently brushed past his face and made him smile a bit before he started his trek down the mountain.
     The sun was getting close to setting, clouds turning a magnificent orange as he peacefully strode down the path he had made on the journey up, beginning to walk past the first few trees entering the forest. As he walked through the trees that blocked out most of the sunshine, out in the distance the sunset had cast its light over something with great size from afar, Zechs noticing its massive shadow. "Hmm, now what could that be..?"

     Zechs walked slowly into the open, what stood before him struck Zechs in veneration; its beauty was nothing short of paradisiacal. "Is it abandoned?" Zechs stared at the utopian structure before him and decided to venture inside, it would be a crime to not explore such immaculate ruins.
     Before entering them, Zechs looked down to see the ruins cut off in a precise way. "These ruins.." Zechs dismissed it and moved further, walking into the first room that was before him. "What the..?" The place was filled with glorious treasure, gold filled the room to the top; chalices, swords, coins, all shined with magnificent beauty. "Where did this place come from?"
   Zechs, with his growing admiration for these ruins, reconnoitred through each room, all holding gold and treasures, countless golden weapons, and gold coins lying loosely in the hallways. He searched through each room, hoping to fully understand the secrets of this intriguing place.
   Upon approaching the last room, Zechs felt a strong presence; as he approached the room where the presence emitted, he was greeted with a man, dressed in dignified armor, sitting upon a throne surrounded by golden treasures.
    "How dare you gaze upon me, mongrel? Know your place! I am the King of this land, so how dare you hesitate to bow in my presence?"
     Standing in bewilderment at the words of this man, he seemed to be the only one here, yet he acted as if he had the followers of the entire world. Zechs scratched the back of his head, keeping his hand close to his sword. "Just who the heck are you?" Zechs asked intently. "You claim to be a King, but I see no followers."
    The man dressed in royal armor scoffed and held his hand forward. "You impudent fool, you clearly have no idea who you aim your words at, my name is Kuro Volk, I rule over this land!" Kuro snorted as golden ripples appeared in the air. "And you no longer need to live."
     Zechs saw weapons emerge from the five portals, and did not recognize such power, thus could not find a counter; his stance was less than suitable. The man had not moved from his throne and his sly smile grew before speaking, "Now, feel the wrath, of God's Force!" Kuro laughed as the weapons shot at Zechs with blinding speeds.
     Zechs jumped forward and to the side, only a lance had hit him, slashing the side of his shin; forcing him to the ground. Kuro let out a laugh that echoed around the room, and stood up from his throne, staring down at Zechs. "Why do you disturb your master, dog?" Asked Kuro as he watched Zechs linger on the ground.
     In pain, Zechs struggled to get himself up and grasped his sword, unsheathing it and holding it forward. "I had no intention of fighting you, I only came to admire this structure."
     Kuro cracked a smile before turning toward Zechs, summoning five portals behind him. "Mongrel, nothing you can say will save you, your previous words have sentenced you to death."
     Struggling to keep himself up, Zechs saw weapons appear from the aforementioned portals. He stood his ground as firmly as he could as the portals fired at Zechs. He hunched over, dodging the weapon that was shot first, keeping his posture he turned himself with his chest facing up and his sword held to his chest as it knocked the lance off of its course, and spun himself around upright to knock the axe away with a wide swing; but was caught off guard by the two daggers, and they successfully hit his shoulder and upper thigh.
     Kuro laughed as he took a drink from his wineglass and took enjoyment at the sight of Zechs with the daggers impaled and his white coat stained with blood, his icy cold stare seeking revenge."You have power, that I cannot deny, but your disdainful attitude will be your downfall!"
     "Do you really think you can even harm me, dog?"
Kuro winced. And with a snort he added. "You have no power against me, your attempts are futile; just take a look at yourself, you won't stand for much longer."
      Zechs painfully had to admit to himself that he was right, he underestimated his opponent and now his situation was dire. "I have to fight him, he is too much of a threat.."
     Standing upright, Zechs pulled out six shuriken and clenched his grip as they started to emit frost; Zechs pulling his arms back with the six shuriken in hand. "Ice Release! Shuriken Ice Wind!" Zechs shouted as he proceeded to throw the shuriken at the man before him.
    Kuro still not moving a muscle, opened six portals above him, shields emerging from them all, combining to make a small wall in front of himself, deflecting the kunai with ease. Letting out a genuine laugh, Kuro  wiped the tears off of his eyes and looked at Zechs with a condescending attitude. "If that is honestly what you can do, you might as well just take that sword you have there and kill yourself, you are not worth my time." Kuro raised his hand with his face turned away and fifteen portals opened and pointed at Zechs as they all shot lances and spears. "He shows no sign of close quarters combat.."
     Zechs dashed toward the weapons, taking one slash down before jumping in the air, dodging the second weapon, and coming back down to the ground with his sword pointed for a down jab and brought the third weapon down. Panting for breath he saw three others come at him at blinding speeds. "Ice Release! Ice Guard!"
     Kuro grew irritated as he saw the three weapons were stopped by the ice armor around Zechs' chest. He cursed as he fired the remaining ten at the man who opposed him.
    As Zechs broke the ice armor off; the lances hit the ground and dissipated in a golden light. "I'm sorry.. But you cannot write me off just yet!" Zechs stood his ground and clamped his hands together. "Ice Release! Ice Defense!"
   Four ice shields appeared and deflected the oncoming lances. Breaking the shields he rushed at Kuro with his sword in hand and jumped in the air, coming down at the self proclaimed King with a downward swing. "Fool.." Kuro gave Zechs a cavalier look and out from a portal emerged a beautifully crafted sword. Without a wielder the sword made a counter swing, stopping Zechs' attack while Kuro aimed and successfully landed a punch on Zechs and sent him back to the ground while he walked down from his throne and to the ground.
"You do not learn from your mistakes, do you? Allow a God to rectify your blunders!"
Kuro proceeded to raise his arm and summon a golden sword from a portal and walk toward Zechs. "Your life ends here, mongrel!" Sending Kusanagi toward Zechs, Kuro with Ea made a right horizontal slash and having Kusanagi make a downward swing. "So he can fight in close quarters.."
     Making ice appear around his arm he stopped Kusanagi's attack and used his blade to counter Kuro's, kicking him away. "Wind Sparrows!" Zechs jumped away as Wind Sparrows swarmed Kuro, using them a distraction to prepared his next move. "Ice Release! Earth Freeze!" Zechs froze himself and Kuro to floor as the Wind Sparrows dissipated and left them both far apart, resorting to long range attacks. "You should not have done that, dog." Kuro laughed, crossing his arms while the room was filled with golden ripples, countless weapons emerging from them all, their menacing blades all pointed toward Zechs and his stationary position. "Fyre Release! Gate of.. Babylon!"                
     "He.. Can't be serious!" The weapons all flew toward Zechs, as his last attempt he made four ice shields to protect himself from the bulk of the wave, but it showed no sign of stopping and the weapons slowly broke down his armor and before it was destroyed he made ice appear around his chest and multiple weapons struck his ribs, legs, knees; and the tendons in his arms, but he knew he was still alive. "I-Ice Release.. Glacial Spikes!" Zechs crouched down and slammed his hands on the ground, letting out a painful shout, making spikes of ice shoot up from the ground and rip into the armor and body of Kuro, leaving him bleeding and useless. "M-Mongrel.."
    Earth Freeze had dissipated, and the two shinobi fell to the ground as their blood pooled around them and the surrounding treasure, their eyesight blurred, until they completely blacked out; each other being the last thing they saw.
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Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19
Age : 23
Location : Behind you.

PostSubject: Re: I declare!   Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:46 am

The Staff have reviewed your Declaration, and despite the length of the Dec, it has been overlooked. The writing is definitely above average, as the detail and phrasing are well done and correctly placed. However, it seems you still need to practice trimming the fat, as there were parts where the detail dragged on, as well as use of commas and semicolons that weren't needed. Because of this, I can't say the Dec was perfect, I'm sorry.

However, you have shown an excellent growth and proficiency, as well an excellent matter of writing. I can't wait to see you Declare next week. Overall, excellent job!

I'm BSing you. You're Advanced into Jounin! Congratulations!!!
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