Naruto Role-Play
 
HomeCalendarGalleryFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in
Don't forget to read the rules, banned Jutsu list, and news guys. Stay up-to-date!
Mind the Moderators and Admins in the CB- we do enforce our rules everyone.
Okay everyone, Re-post your finished and graded characters in Graded Characters. Read the topic "Explanation" as well, please!
Have a comment or suggestion? PM one of the Moderators, who will show it to the Administrators. Remember, Moderators are your bridge to the Admins!
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Latest topics
» Tenshi Sneaking out to see Sumaru
Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:21 pm by Dann432432

» Indigo vs Sento vsTenzo
Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:03 pm by Dann432432

» I Declare (after 4 weeks so why not now)
Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:51 am by Corren

» Where to nest? (Poll)
Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:46 am by Corren

» Early declaration.
Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:18 am by Aegis

» Tenzo's Declaration :3
Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:17 pm by Corren

» Hokage Election (Story Line)
Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:00 pm by Dann432432

» Double-Edged Sword (Locked)
Wed Jan 15, 2014 3:48 am by Tenzo Uzumaki

» Meet The Father
Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:44 pm by Dann432432

Top posters
Dann432432
 
Aegis
 
Finvarre
 
CyberTurtle77
 
Corren
 
Naga
 
Wakitaro
 
Aionrap
 
Nikolai Forge
 
Aj16amc
 
Top posting users this week

Share | 
 

 I Declare

Go down 
AuthorMessage
CyberTurtle77

avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19

PostSubject: I Declare    Thu Jan 02, 2014 9:39 pm

I declare on this wonderful today like today.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Corren
Admin
avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19
Age : 23
Location : Behind you.

PostSubject: Re: I Declare    Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:03 am

Mmkay, Jace. I'll make this a decent test. Remember, you are here to offer and advertise to the Admins your general advancement from basic RP and literary efficiency to advanced and above-average proficiency.

We will be looking for:

- Average grammar

- Average sentence phrasing

-Average understanding of RP

- Intellectual literary prowess

- Decent writing style

- Obvious advancement from previous level of skill

Here is your test.

Okay, Sumaru. Here's your test.

Sumaru is traveling in the Lands of Snow completely alone. He was to meet a long time friend he hasn't seen in over five years. However, he hadn't realized he was being stalked by three powerful Snow Shinobi who are after possession of his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. Explain how Sumaru braves the never ending lands of ice to meet his friend, and the strife he meets against these three Shinobi.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
CyberTurtle77

avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19

PostSubject: Re: I Declare    Fri Jan 03, 2014 9:50 pm

Sumaru is traveling in the Lands of Snow completely alone. He is supposed to meet a friend of his whom he hasn't seen in over five years. Sumaru was wearing a white leather jacket with a white hoodie under it. He was also wearing snow white jeans so that he could blend in with the snow if necessary. Sumaru looked up at the sky and said "It's been five years since iv'e seen Axton. I can't believe I thought he was dead."

Sumaru then heard a sprinting noise behind him so he quickly turned around. He saw nothing just foot tracks in the snow that he thought were his. When he looked back there was a woman and she had a creepy smile on her face. Sumaru began to back up slowly and he bumped into someone. He turned around there was a Man who was also smiling creepily. Sumaru turned to the left and began to run but then another figure jumped down from somewhere and Sumaru bumped into that person. He looked up it was another woman. Sumaru quickly got up and said "What do you people want?" Sumaru began to examine them and saw that all of them had headbands that showed they belonged to the Land of Snow.

The first woman he had seen started to laugh and she then gave a very serious look and said "Oh little boy how clueless can you be. Your one of the only Uchiha with the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. We want your eyes." She snapped her fingers and 2nd woman that he was standing in front of did some hand signs and said "Snow Release: Snow Dragon!" At point blank a snow Dragon came out of her hands and hit Sumaru. Even thought it was made out of snow it hur. The snow dragon opened it's mouth and had ice fangs which it began to sink into Sumaru's arm. Sumaru screamed in agony and then the dragon shot up into the sky and did a loop and began to go crashing down with Sumaru in it's mouth. Sumaru hit the floor and coughed up blood. The impact began to make him feel dizzy. He stood up and was staggering to the left and then to the right. He activated his normal Sharingan and began to look around. From behind he felt something pierce through us stomach. He slowly looked down and it was a Ice Sword.

Sumaru coughed up more blood and fell off the blade. The man who had stabbed him lifted Sumaru up with one blood but began to hear laughing coming from Sumaru. The man dropped Sumaru and saw Sumaru stand up a cold dead look in his eyes. Sumaru then activated his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and laughed even more. "YOU PEOPLE MUST REALLY WANNA DIE TODAY." Sumaru had snapped his mind not focusing on the task at hand which was to go see his friend Axton. The man looked up at his 2 comrades and said "HOW IS HE STILL STANDING?!?!" The second woman who had hit Sumaru with the snow dragon said "It's almost inhuman, he should be either dead or unconscious..." Sumaru began to scream a black aura emitting from his body and then his Susano'o became active. It's body parts began to grow and eventually it was fully formed, it was just the skeleton thought for Sumaru had not mastered it.

Sumaru began to inch closer to the man with a sadistic look on his face. The man was actually scared. He was backing up but then tripped and fell back and was crying. He began to plead for his life yelling "PLEASE. DON'T HURT ME I'M SORRY." Sumaru laughed at the man;s pleading and h then had his Susano'o strike down on him with his black sword. The man was cut in half and Sumaru then looked at the 2 woman and said "Which one do I kill now?" The ring leader who Sumaru first saw pushed her comrade on the floor close to Sumaru. He looked down at her and she was crying and said "PLEASE 'I'M SORRY I WAS ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS!" Sumaru for some reason began to feel pity even if he did snap he was still only human. Sumaru looked at the ring leader and moved past the other woman. The ring leader began to try and bargain for her life saying "Please... I can make you very happy..." She lifted up her skirt showing her panties. Sumaru laughed and said "WHY WOULD I WANT A WENCH LIKE YOU" Sumaru did a swift strike with the sword of his Susano'o cutting the ring leaders head off. The girl he had left alive decided to do another Snow Dragon and shot it at the back of Sumaru's Susano'o. The Susano'o was not damaged by the attack but Sumaru was very angry. He showed her mercy and she attempted to hurt him. He turned around and sighed. He struck had the Susano'o slice her and she went flying. She hit a rock and died on impact. The snow around Sumaru had been tainted with there blood everything was red.

Sumaru deactivated his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and his Susano'o. Sumaru looked at where the Ice Blade had pierced him and he was bleeding heavily. He began to walk in the cold climate but was stumbling. Sumaru said to himself "I'm not gonna make it. It's to cold and i'm going to bleed out..." The weather began to turn harsher and next thing you know Sumaru was in a blizzard. Sumaru didn't wanna wast any of his chakara on a fire ball or any of his other jutsus just in case he was attacked once more. The weather wasn't gonna lighten up anytime soon. Sumaru had all about given up when he saw a cabin. Sumaru ran to it and jumped into the door of it breaking it down. When Sumaru looked up he saw two girls and his friend Axton. Sumaru stood up still heavily bleeding and said "Long time no see Axton."

Axton looked at Sumaru and said "How gullible you are. Since your here im guessing you killed the others. NOW GIVE ME YOUR EYES!" Sumaru sighed and activated his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. He then activated Susano'o and slaughtered Axton and the two other girls. Sumaru sighed and began to patch himself up before he headed out in the cold once more. In Sumaru's mind it was made clearly that he had no one left.


Last edited by CyberTurtle77 on Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:35 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Corren
Admin
avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19
Age : 23
Location : Behind you.

PostSubject: Re: I Declare    Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:33 am

I read through your entire Declaration and there is indeed improvement over your typical RP topics. However, the multiple typos, errors, and lack of literary proficiency are what hold you back. There are multiple repetitions of the same word and phrase, mainly "Sumaru sighed". At some point, your own name was misspelled. Also, the constant use of capitals wasn't really needed. For this, I'm sorry to inform you that you are not advancing in rank this week. For advice, I suggest asking a Jounin level writer for short tutoring and assistance. I look forward to seeing you advance next week!

'Corren Gray
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: I Declare    

Back to top Go down
 
I Declare
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
NaruPG :: Forum :: Declarations-
Jump to: