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Latest topics
» Tenshi Sneaking out to see Sumaru
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptySat Mar 29, 2014 5:21 pm by Dann432432

» Indigo vs Sento vsTenzo
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptySun Mar 16, 2014 8:03 pm by Dann432432

» I Declare (after 4 weeks so why not now)
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptySat Jan 25, 2014 4:51 am by Corren

» Where to nest? (Poll)
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptySat Jan 25, 2014 4:46 am by Corren

» Early declaration.
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyFri Jan 17, 2014 6:18 am by Aegis

» Tenzo's Declaration :3
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyThu Jan 16, 2014 6:17 pm by Corren

» Hokage Election (Story Line)
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyWed Jan 15, 2014 4:00 pm by Dann432432

» Double-Edged Sword (Locked)
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyWed Jan 15, 2014 3:48 am by Tenzo Uzumaki

» Meet The Father
Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyTue Jan 14, 2014 10:44 pm by Dann432432

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 Mangetsu Susonok

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Mangetsu Susonok

Mangetsu Susonok


Posts : 5
Join date : 2013-12-05

Mangetsu Susonok  Empty
PostSubject: Mangetsu Susonok    Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyThu Dec 05, 2013 11:19 pm

Name: Mangetsu Susonok

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Background:  As a small boy Mangetsu grew up in the hidden rain village part of the Tura clan a small and unaccepted clan.

The other rain village clans hated them for their remarkable abilities able to rival the sharingan and if trained correctly by a sage even the rinnegan! Then one fateful night... The clans made an alliance with the Hidden leaf to rid of the Tura clan completely!

They hired Hantan Ryman to rid of the Tura clan completely. As Morning arrived Mangetsu heard swords clashing and blood splattering...

When he opened his door he saw his grandma Shina and grandpa Panta dead on the floor... He then rushed out to find his parents but he could not find them. A few min later silence fell. It was the day of the winter solstice as well. (Vortex happens) Mangetsu wakes up to find his hand under a large wooden beam.

He tried to cry for help but the pain was just unimaginable he could barely let out whelps. 2 days later a Women finds Mangetsu and heals his arm in the infirmary. Mangetsu wakes up and says where's my Mommy and... Daddy... And my big sister? The Women said with a sorrow reply. DEAD.

Your entire clan was killed by the vortex and the annihilation of the Tura clan. Shaken Mangetsu's Visual prowess awaken and he begins to cry... I will live their legacy I will get revenge on who decided to kill us off.. The women remained quiet but was quite interested in Mangetsu's eyes. Mangetsu asked her "what's your name? My name is Mangetsu nice to meet you." "She replied in a soft tone my name is Morgan Rosetta the III."

Morgan then sent Mangetsu to the hidden leaf village (Rebuilt) to attend the academy. 7 years later he obtains even more power and hopes to become a Jonin. However for now he hopes to live his Parents Legacy and hopes to restore the Tura clan and become Mizukage of the Hidden Rain village. He just waits now for the letter deciding his Rank by his small house.

Then he gets the letter saying Approved Jonin he lets out some tears and go's to the academy to get started. He is then assigned 3 students to take care of and to train know as squad 8. Containing Matsu Honshu, Suzuki Yoruba, and koru mitushade.

Suzuki was most happy since he heard rumors about his sensei being a survivor of the Tura clan and hoped he could help unlock his sharingan.

Then so their training began. Then came the Chunin exams and trained his students even more. (Story will continue in actual story area)

Appearance: Has blue sleek hair sometimes gets in the way of his eyes so he decided to trim it a little. Usually wears a T Shirt colored blue, red, green, or gray saying Shinobi Rule in the back and in the front with Neon green letters, Wears track pants and sneakers, has a scar on his arm since he was never able to heal that when a wooden beam landed on it. Also his eyes have a Pattern that go zig zag from one corner to the next then creating a circular pattern in the middle.

Personality:  Many times he will be very carefree around his pupils and will hold back during training. However he is very serious when a mission comes in for him since he can't stand the thought of failing his village or family, And thus if he does fail he go's into the forest of death alone training by himself till morning to show his dedication to his village that another failed mission will not happen again. His friends think he is to prideful but some think he just loves the village that much!

Specialization (Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, Genjutsu)

Major: Genjutsu

Minor: Ninjutsu

-Chakra Style (Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Lightning) (Only detail if Ninjutsu chosen as a Specialization).
Water/Wind


Village of Allegiance:  Hidden Leaf Village/Rain village in due time however

Tura Clan Jonin


Last edited by Mangetsu Susonok on Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:44 am; edited 1 time in total
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Corren
Admin
Corren


Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-11-19
Age : 28
Location : Behind you.

Mangetsu Susonok  Empty
PostSubject: Re: Mangetsu Susonok    Mangetsu Susonok  EmptyFri Dec 06, 2013 12:52 am

I'm going to rank you as Genin. Genin means you show the expected level of literary proficiency, and that you don't suck. Congratulations! Welcome to the rank of Genin.

As for edits, there are some definite phrasing issues. Your sentences lead to jarring halts, as well as a lack of flow when reading. There's a lack of advanced detail and grammar, and it's very set on the basis of average.

I hope you enjoy your rank! In one week's time from today, you may Declare to advance to Chunin. Overall, well done!
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